


The Beats My Heart Skipped

by peachbunny



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Jihoon literally has a broken heart, M/M, angst and breakups, nielwink endgame but everyone gets hurt at some point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 23:09:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16396862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachbunny/pseuds/peachbunny
Summary: "It takes just a few seconds between heartbeats for everything else in the human body to start shutting down," Jihoon smiles, his bright eyes betraying the emotion that cracks in his voice. "And it took you just a few seconds to let me go."Daniel wants to reach over and hold those familiar hands, feel that heated pulse and its’ irregular cadence.But Jihoon is no longer his. Not anymore. Not when those fingers were tightly intertwined with Woojin’s own - where they should have been this whole time.





	The Beats My Heart Skipped

**The Fall.**

  


**WOOJIN**

 

Woojin tuts as he walks around the station, eyes wildly darting around for any sign of the brown-haired boy.

 

He had told Jihoon over and over that he wasn't supposed to go anywhere unsupervised.

 

But of course the little asshole doesn't follow anything he's told.

 

He only hoped that Jihoon still wore that bright yellow “fall risk” tag on his wrist - after all, it clashed with everything else he wore. Which meant Jihoon was bound to wear it like a favorite accessory.

 

The operation was already in a few days and he can’t have Jihoon fainting around in places where he shouldn’t.

 

Woojin tries ringing his phone for the nth time, and the other Park finally had the presence of mind to answer.

 

"I swear, Jihoon, I am going to bite your face off-"

 

"He's fainted," a husky voice came on the other side of the line. "We're at exit 6, I'm...I’m not sure what I should do."

 

Woojin's vision blurs for a bit, heart leaping into his throat as his fears were confirmed.

 

"Don't let him lie down, and keep him breathing," Woojin recites mechanically, looking around to find which direction he should run in to get to exit 6. He licks his drying lips nervously as he runs full speed. "Did he fall and get hurt?"

 

There's a bit of silence on the other line, before the voice confirmed, "No.” A pause. “No, I think he's fine."

 

If Woojin had space in his mind to think of anything else, he'd be puzzled at the hesitating staccato this man spoke in - but right now that wasn't the most important thing. Right now, the love of his life was lying unconscious somewhere in a place buzzing with the manic energy of a morning rush hour, heart too weak to cope with the demands of activity.

 

 _Cardiac arrhythmia_ \- or a broken heart, as Jihoon liked to call it.

 

It had been almost a year of his heartbeats dropping or failing to beat strong enough for the pulse to course through his body. Jihoon had said he was fine, he’d take it slow, avoid all those daredevil stunts he was so used to engaging in - and Woojin could never resist those huge eyes when they were begging him not to nag about medical procedures or routine visits to the doctor.

 

And that may have been Woojin’s mistake. Because Park Jihoon only got worse, fainting at the worst moments: first, it was in the middle of the movie, and he thought Jihoon had only fallen asleep. The second, he fainted while standing in a crowded train. In the middle of playing games, while walking in the park, while going down stairs, while biking around the river and nearly falling in.

 

That’s when Woojin blew his top and they got into a major fight - with Woojin screaming that he won’t always be by Jihoon’s side whenever his broken heart decides to break him even further.

 

And finally, finally, Jihoon relented that maybe he needed to get it fixed.

 

Woojin pushes through a throng of people, eyes finally catching that brown head and those obnoxiously over-saturated fashion pieces -  and gulps when he sees what might be his worst nightmare coming true.

 

_Did he fall and get hurt?_

 

The question he had asked repeated in his head as his blood runs cold at the sight of the familiar face and the too familiar, painful sight of the two of them together again - reunited like two pieces of a puzzle falling back into place.

 

Kang Daniel looks up at him, Jihoon unconscious and head resting against the taller man’s broad shoulders. “Woojin.”

 

_How dare you say ‘no, he's fine’._

 

 

**JIHOON**

 

Jihoon wakes up two hours later, and finds Woojin sitting beside him at what seemed to be an infirmary.

 

"Hey, I'm sorry," Jihoon starts, his voice a bare croak, and Woojin shushes him gently.

 

Jihoon squeezes at the linens on the bed. The room smelled like white coats and sanitized metal.

 

_He hates it._

 

He hates it like a reminder of why he wore that yellow tag on his wrist. He hates it like the recollection of his broken heart - not the one that can be cured by procedures within white walls and an operating theater, but the one he kept trying to deny all this time.

 

He hates it like the burning memory of the face he thinks he saw at the station.

 

"It was him, wasn't it?" Woojin mumbles beside him and Jihoon finally breathes out.

 

 _So it wasn't just his imagination_.

 

"Was it?" Jihoon replies dryly, letting go of the bunched sheets in his fingers in an attempt to calm himself down.

 

"Of all the people," Woojin hisses, and Jihoon looks up to stare at him. It was as if he could read all the concerns that ran around Woojin’s mind with just this chance encounter.

 

"It's not like it changes anything," Jihoon assures.

 

"Doesn't it?" Woojin sighs as he stands up, and Jihoon catches his wrist.

 

"It doesn't."

 

Woojin’s expression is pained, and he doesn’t sit back down as he gently pries Jihoon’s fingers from his wrist. “What if I tell you that he’s still outside and he wants to talk to you?”

 

“Then-”

 

“What if he tells you he still loves you?”

 

Jihoon wishes that his expression didn’t shift, that his face didn’t give him away; but Woojin is too used to him to miss the flicker of hope that sparks behind his eyes, and the younger sighs once more and walks out of the room - and Jihoon knows that his own stupid heart was still on shameless display on his sleeve when it comes to Kang Daniel.

  


**DANIEL**

 

Daniel crosses and uncrosses his fingers outside the room.

 

He didn’t count on seeing Jihoon again like this - how the blood drained from the younger’s face the moment he said hi, how he watched Jihoon fall motionless, and how only his quick reflexes to gather the boy in his arms was the only thing that stopped that pretty head from hitting the pavement.

 

But having Jihoon back in his arms after a long time, much too long, had Daniel panicking. It was after he heard Woojin tell the nurse about the broken heart and when it started that Daniel wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

 

It was when he’s faced with Jihoon sitting on that white hospital bed that he dares hope for something more. He approaches in silence, unsure if he should ask if Jihoon was okay when he knew he definitely wasn’t.

 

"You pity me," Jihoon breaks the silence, expression blank. "But I'm fine, Daniel."

 

"No, you're _not_ , and I'm the reason why-" Daniel interrupts, finally finding his voice.

 

"It's a joke I tell everyone," Jihoon laughs, and it feels forced. "Someone broke my heart and now I'm dying."

 

Daniel feels the pain shoot straight through his chest. “Don’t joke about that.”

 

"It's not your fault," Jihoon looks down and bunches the linens under his fingers again. "Don't be so full of yourself. We both know you can’t cause me physical pain even if you wanted to."

 

There’s an awkward pause between them, much too silent for a space between two people who had once been intertwined too closely for any space at all.

 

"I was an idiot for letting you go," Daniel whispers, and he means every word. How he left Jihoon because he was too afraid of the commitment, afraid that they’d walk the same path his parents had been on. He left because Jihoon deserved more and he hoped the younger realized it - and he did, _they did_.

 

He just wished it didn’t hurt so much that Jihoon belonged to Woojin now.

 

“I’m glad you ended up with Woojin.”

 

Jihoon stops, realizing how white his knuckles had become.

 

"Yeah."

  


**The Past.**

 

**DANIEL**

 

Daniel remembers it like it was yesterday.

 

The beautiful boy with the big brown eyes, looking lost at the bar and his expression crying out that he did not want to be here. Absolutely hated the dark, and the bass, and the people who keep trying to hand him drinks.

 

He's seen the boy many times before; but he was always either nose-deep buried in books cramming for an exam. Yellow coat, pink cardigan, shark hoodie, the ugliest glasses ever. Daniel had cooed over the boy more times than he could count, his friends already all familiar with Daniel’s dreamboy before they even knew his name.

 

Daniel walked over, _just to help out_ , he reasoned.

 

"Hold a glass of apple juice," he said as he took a seat beside the boy, trying to keep his tone even and mask his mounting excitement. "They'll think you're taking whisky."

 

"Does that really work?" Jihoon smiled warily, probably wondering if this man was another person in the bar trying to get him drunk.

 

"If it doesn't, let me know and I'll force them to take a shot," Daniel grinned and threw out a hand. "I'm Kang Daniel."

 

"Park Jihoon," the younger took the hand, and paused for a while before asking, " _Daniel_. Foreigner?"

 

"Busan, born and raised," Daniel proudly proclaimed as he let go of the handshake, slightly missing the warmth of those smaller hands in his.

 

"Daniel's a nice name," Jihoon smiled up at him.

 

And that's when it hit him - those bright eyes and those lips that were bitten almost a bright-red - he's bound to fall in love with Park Jihoon.

  


**WOOJIN**

 

Woojin remembers everything clearly.

 

That fateful day when he left Jihoon at the bar to get some drinks - only to find his friend deep in conversation with a tall blonde.

 

He's known Jihoon his whole life, knows that the crinkle of his eyes when he laughs isn't that easy to coax out - especially not at a first meeting, and especially not when he's completely sober.

 

Woojin bit hard at his lower lip. He wanted to be that man, the one Jihoon looks at with those adoring eyes when all he's ever known from Jihoon was the platonic warmth of a friend, of family.

 

But Woojin was a coward - didn't want to risk the comfortable pace of their friendship with a risk that could threaten to break the bond between them.

 

Especially when Jihoon goes on the fourth, the fifth date with Kang Daniel. When Jihoon excitedly showed him what new sweater he managed to steal from Daniel's closet. When Jihoon was gone from their shared room for days at a time, and Woojin left tortured by imaginings of what could be going on inside Daniel's own room, under Daniel's own sheets.

 

When he had to keep his heart from falling apart when he saw their fingers intertwined together, when he saw them under soft moonglow, whispering sweet nothings in the silence of the night. When every single time Daniel kissed those lips, they kissed back with the same intensity; small fingers threaded through blonde hair, large hands on soft cheeks.

 

“Please stop getting your fluids all over the room,” Woojin had grunted then. “People actually sleep here.”

 

“Sorry, Woojin,” Daniel had sheepishly apologized, rolling off of Jihoon and planting a kiss on the younger’s forehead as bid goodnight and walked out of the room.

 

“I told you not to come home tonight,” Jihoon had rolled his eyes as the door clicked shut, throwing a leg over Woojin’s lap like the annoying little shit he was.

 

“I will not be made homeless by your displays of affection,” Woojin complained, slapping an arm on Jihoon’s shoulder; only to be shoved back.

 

“You told us to get a room, and when we do, you interrupt,” Jihoon laughed as they roughoused in the room, Jihoon pinning Woojin’s neck in a headlock easily. Woojin gagged as he breathed out, “I said get _a_ room, not get _my_ room!”

 

Woojin laughed along as they continued to trade barbs, and he let himself forget for two minutes that Jihoon wasn’t his. Until he remembered how tenderly those fingers had danced on Daniel’s skin, and how roughly they pushed against his own - a stark reminder of who Woojin was, and where he stood.

 

Maybe Daniel was made for Jihoon, Woojin thought as he let the love of his life fall in love with a handsome stranger he just met in a bar when Woojin wasn't looking.

 

**JIHOON**

 

Jihoon doesn't want to remember.

 

He was never one for parties, never one for bars, never wanted to leave Woojin's side when they tripped into that celebration because Woojin insisted that Jihoon needed to _get a life_.

 

And he did: because a few conversations later with Daniel, he could see his life hurtling in another direction, one that spun in Daniel's orbit.

 

Jihoon was no stranger to the sensation of a hopeless romantic falling in love - he remembered the girl he “married” in kindergarten, his first kiss in middle school, the girls and boys he exchanged glances and letters and heartbeats with in high school.

 

But Kang Daniel was different, _better_ , like Jihoon had never really known what it was like to be in love until that electric moment when Daniel brushed his hair back and took his lips into a kiss. Soft, delicate, languid.

 

It was a cold night when Daniel kissed him for the first time under the orange glow of a fading streetlamp. Jihoon wasn’t sure if the night was ever really cold, because the warmth he felt didn’t come from the fleece sweater he was wrapped in. When they stepped back, Daniel was wide-eyed and panting.

 

“I love you, Jihoon,” Daniel’s voice was shaky, excited as he tripped over words. Vulnerable for the first time and not the last. “I’m not exactly the perfect guy, and I laugh too much and talk to myself too often but I want to make you happy. Because you make me happy. And wow, hell, that sounded cheesy as-”

 

Jihoon laughed then, wrapping his arms around Daniel’s waist to put hands in the older boy’s back pockets.

 

“I love you too, Kang Daniel,” he raised himself on the tips of his toes as their noses touched and they were just a breath away from sealing the deal.

 

Daniel was warm bedsheets and warmer company, Daniel was meteor showers and constellations, Daniel was kisses in the rain and long conversations over breakfast, Daniel was comfortable silence in the company of books and games, Daniel was loud, petty arguments that ended up with ice cream and make outs, Daniel was crying against doors only for everything to be okay later on, Daniel was a symphony of all his hopes and dreams and the dance he could dance forever - Daniel was sunshine and starlight all rolled into a man that fit perfectly in his arms.

 

But Jihoon wants to forget all that.

 

Because when Daniel walked out of his life a year ago, rambling some stupid excuse about Jihoon deserving _better,_ that entire world came crashing down.

 

It was a cold night, under the pale, pale glow of a fading streetlamp.

  


 

**The Aftermath.**

 

**DANIEL**

 

Daniel sits across Woojin as they both watched the even rise and fall of Jihoon’s chest. A successful procedure; his heart is brand new, the doctor said. It had been two weeks of quiet awkward visits to the hospital, and he finds himself falling in love again and again with each trip he made.

 

Daniel rests his head on the covers, the past weeks and the entire past year has taken its toll on him - day upon day, minute upon minute of missing Jihoon all culminating into this moment, this discovery that he had wreaked more damage on the boy than he thought possible.

 

Maybe it was a mistake to come back; maybe he should have just sucked up all these feelings and left Jihoon and Woojin alone.

 

He didn’t deserve a second chance with Jihoon when all he did was hurt the boy.

 

When Woojin would be a better match.

 

The vital signs beeped on the screens around them, Jihoon’s heartbeat recorded steadily. The room was cold, and Jihoon was going to be okay without him.

 

“I should go,” Daniel runs a hand down his face. “I’m not supposed to be here. I’ll leave you two alone. Just let me know that he’s okay?”

 

Woojin looks up at him, face hard, as if he was weighing the options to a very important decision.

 

Just then, Jihoon’s voice rose up; barely a whisper - half-awake, but clear as day to two hearts who wanted to know.

  
  


_“Daniel.”_

  
  


Daniel breathed in heavily, felt his eyes prick with tears, as he sat back down to take one of Jihoon’s hand against his cheek. “I’m here, I’m here. I’m sorry, I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

 

Daniel looks up at Woojin, resigned and emotions teetering between letting Jihoon go and staying to hold those small hands in his for all his tomorrows. “I’m sorry, Woojin. You should be beside him when he comes to.”

 

“Stay,” Woojin’s voice comes out strained, but clear as a command. “He wants you to.”  

 

“But you’re the one who’s supposed to stay with him, not me.”

 

Woojin grits his teeth. “ _Supposed_?”

 

There’s an air of silence as everything remained unspoken.

 

"You know what sucks?" Woojin continues, expressionless as he watches Daniel and as he stands up to leave. "It's your name that's still the last thing on his lips right before he blacks out. Every, single, fucking, time."

  


**WOOJIN**

 

Woojin makes sense.

 

Woojin and Jihoon, Jihoon and Woojin, _Park and Park_ , makes all the sense in the world. He’s said that much on the day that Jihoon was supposed to be discharged from the hospital.

 

But love almost always never made sense.

 

And that was what made breaking up with someone he’d always wanted to have all the harder.

 

"Why are you giving up on me?" Jihoon's eyes are wild, frantic at the prospect of being left _again_.

 

"Because every single time," Woojin shouts, tears cornering his eyes. "Every single time before you pass out, it's not my name on your lips; it's his. And even now, when you wake up and I’m the one holding your hand it’s still...it’s still him."

 

"I love you, Park Jihoon," Woojin manages out, a weak sob climbing up his throat as he helplessly lets his hands hang at his sides - avoiding Jihoon's touch like it would burn him. Like it would break his resolve.

 

The handsome boy in front of him had tears rolling down his cheeks, eyes glossed over and pleading.

 

"Woojin, please."

 

"I know your heart's broken in all the wrong ways," Woojin breathes out, "But that doesn't mean mine isn't slowly breaking each day I look at you and know that it's still Kang Daniel, and I'm just the band-aid that you need to keep from completely falling apart."

 

"You're not," Jihoon cries, adamant. “Woojin, _come on_ , I was barely awake, I didn’t mean what I said. We love each other, don’t we? I chose you, didn’t I?”

 

"But I'm not enough to replace him," Woojin grits out. "I'll never be enough to replace that hole he left in your life because _I'm not him_."

 

Jihoon’s at a loss for words, the only sounds coming out of his mouth is a steady chant of _no, no, no_ , gasps and sobs punctuated by Woojin’s name, and Woojin’s heart breaks.

 

“Jihoon,” Woojin’s voice quivers. “Don’t choose me just because you feel guilty for me, or if you just want to try to get over him. It’s not fair for anyone.”

 

“I see the way you look at him,” Woojin's tone softens. “That lucky bastard is the beat your heart keeps skipping.”

 

He first met Jihoon in kindergarten, when they built sandcastles out of nothing; when the only thing that made Jihoon cry was when he was hungry. He’s lived through Jihoon crying into all the succeeding years where they built a lifetime together - how well he knew the changes in Jihoon’s expressions better than the back of his hand. How they had talked about growing old together and living in the house beside each other, when all Woojin wanted was to make a home in Jihoon’s heart.

 

And he finds that he can’t throw all that away completely.

 

“I’ll be okay, Jihoon, we’ll be fine,” Woojin adds, to take the edge off; to take out the finality of saying goodbye to Jihoon and letting him go. “Maybe not now, but we will be. If anything’s mean to last, then it’s Jihoon and Woojin forever.”

 

It stings how even if Woojin had all the chances in the world, how he was the most _logical_ option that Jihoon could learn to love, how perfectly they were meant to be together - it was never going to be him.

 

And he would have to learn to be okay with that if he wanted to stay beside Jihoon.

 

Woojin passes by Daniel on his way out the door, the echoes of Jihoon’s crying still fresh in his ears.

 

“Woojin, I’m-”

 

“Don’t you dare apologize to me,” Woojin mutters under his breath, eyes bloodshot. “Just...just make him happy, Kang Daniel. Please.”

 

 

**JIHOON**

 

Daniel enters the room, slowly walking up to where Jihoon had his face buried into his blanket that was wet with tears.

 

Daniel pulls him up and into his chest, and waits in silence as the younger wails into his warmth; the ticking of the wall clock ringing loud in his ears.

 

Daniel whispers as Jihoon calms down against him, “I’m sorry I came back and ruined everything. I’m sorry I left in the first place. I’m sorry I ever said hello. You should be with him, not me.”

 

Jihoon can’t blame Daniel, can’t blame Woojin - one was his entire world and the other deserved the universe.

 

"I look at him and I know I'm slowly breaking his heart because every time I look at his hands when they hold mine - I keep wishing they were yours," Jihoon clenches his fist against Daniel’s chest as he holds on tight. "I just don't want to still be in love with someone who's moved on so long ago."

 

“Then be in love with someone who’ll never let you go,” Daniel pulls Jihoon into an embrace. “I don’t deserve any chances, and I think you’re better off with him - but for as long as you want it, you have all of me.”

 

Jihoon breathes in and it all comes rushing back - being in love with Kang Daniel, being _whole_.

 

It may take a while for the dust to settle; but he holds on to these promises: that Daniel would stay, and Woojin - that they were forever.

 

He feels his heart beat evenly for the first time in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SORRY FOR HURTING EVERYONE ESPECIALLY WOOJIN 
> 
> I experimented with the format for this so I might edit a few things after I re-read?  
> Also I rly tried to give this a 2Park ending but...my Nielwink ass betrayed me I'm so sorry
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated, though I hope you heeded the warning about the endgame! 
> 
> PS this is based off of an actual heart condition I have lol and it actually is worsened by heartbreak caused by a breakup so...y'know my heart's literally broken too if that matters :3 I had to have a cardiac pacemaker implanted to fix it and even then it's still broken ;A;


End file.
